Crib Diaries Part II

Well, I thought I would let you all know how my "crib training?" is going.

Hudson is successfully sleeping in his crib at night.

However, I still get no sleep.

For some reason he has a really great first stretch.

It's usually 5-6 hours.

For some reason the rest of the night he tosses and turns and cannot stay asleep.

I feel like I'm trying everything and nothing is successful.

He is swaddled, so it isn't his startle reflex.

I feed him at his first waking, so he isn't hungry.

Did any moms run into this problem?

Is it just his age, and he'll grow out of it?

I put him down between 8-9 and he wakes between 2-3.

I've read that giving him a "dream feed" around 11 helps them sleep longer.

I'm trying really hard not to buy into some of these "sleep expert" techniques.

But, sometimes they sound convincing!

And a dream feed doesn't sound detrimental to my little ones self-esteem or trust toward me.

I can't complain too much, because that 5-6 hours is all I need to keep me moving.

I'm still a slight zombie the next day but I manage.

He still hasn't quite mastered the crib nap.

But he's a professional swing napper, so sometimes I just resort to that.

I would like his naps to last at LEAST an hour, and that seems to be a very, very rare occurrence.

He is currently laying in his crib tossing, turning, and grunting but not crying.

So I suppose I'm lucky that my kid doesn't wail when I leave the room.

I suppose it's just persistence and patience?

Also, I believe any compliment I give this little booger is going to bite me in the tush and tomorrow he'll do the opposite of everything fantastic...

usually works that way.

:-p

So, if you other moms have advice, let me hear it!

On a really exciting note...

we are starting to get some hilarious little giggles and squeals out of him.

Today,  I was singing a Winnie-the-Pooh song to him about being fat and he loved it.

Probs thought I was singing about myself.

Just kidding!

Feeling pretty good about the bod.

Still have slightly over 10 to pre pregnancy weight.

But, yesterday in the gym locker room someone looked at me and said,

"You lost, like, all of your baby weight"

I laughed, knowing I'm far from it.

But, it made me realize that maybe I'm a bit too fixated on getting back to a specific number.

Maybe I just need to focus on improving areas that I'm still not 100% about and leave it at that.

I also am realizing that maybe we focus way to much on numbers...

the number on the scale

the number in our bank account

the number of our salary

the number of our student loans

we have countdowns until things are over

and deadlines for when things need to be done.

Maybe we shouldn't really worry about the numbers so much.

The Crib Diaries...

Now that Hudson has hit his 3 month mark.

I have finally (with slight reluctance) decided to make his transition to his crib.

Hudson has been sleeping beside me in a pack and play since he came home.

I guess I knew this transition would be difficult, but I was NOT ready for the calamity that took place last night.

While our family was visiting us over christmas, we moved a bed into his room for guests.

For the next, well, however long this takes...

I will be sleeping in his room in this bed.

Because I refuse to go backwards.

We have a pretty decent bedtime routine going of bath, massage, nurse, sleep.

Well, I went through the motions last night but the little man seemed to disagree with the last step of the program.

So, sleep didn't happen.

But as I sat there holding and comforting my sleeping little minion, I thought about all the expectations we have for them.

Just because we have a friend whose baby slept through the night at eight weeks, someones baby who never gets fussy, and someones baby who transitioned to their crib with no fight, we all seem to think our baby must do this.

As a mother, you just have to realize those babies are magical demons that like to make the rest of us feel inadequate as parents.

We have to realize that we are the ones introducing our baby to everything there is in this world.

And when you are that small, a big bed, in a big foreign room, all alone, is really scary!

So, as I was sympathizing with H, I realized that this process will be, and should be a slow one.

I will never let him cry/scream it out...I'm just not that parent.

And I'm not saying parents that do are horrible people.

I admire your strength.

I want his room to be a calming, familiar place, not a place associated with fear and abandonment.

So, today, I began my process of slower transitioning.

We woke up and were changed in his crib while playing with musical toys.

When it came time for a nap, I swaddled him and shushed/rocked him to sleep.

PS: I know we all feel silly shushing a baby, but that shiz works!  Shush right in that stinkers ear and it's like hitting a mute button.

I am now enjoying his first nap in his crib and I only had to pick him up once.

Baby steps.

So, my goal is to have a decent amount of happy play/tummy time in his crib each day.

Along with all diaper/clothing changes.

I'll shush him back to sleep 3 times at night, and if nothing works he can sleep in his swing.

My hopes are just that each night, our sleep stretch gets a bit longer.

Ill let you know how it goes!

On an exciting note...I'm almost out of the 140s and a big package of lululemon clothes came in the mail today.

Anyone that is curious about my workouts, i'm following the Love Your Body challenge by the tone it up girls.

Its not too late for you to join too!!!

To share...or not to share. There shouldn't be a question.

I decided to blog about something that continues to bother me tonight.

And this is the use of the Facebook status.

It is not it's use in general.

It is what people use their status for.

I enjoy the motivational quotes,

the mood updates,

the personal goals,

the funny stories,

the talk about the weather.

I DO NOT like that people air their dirty laundry.

So your boyfriend cheated on you?

Calling the girl an S-word

she's ugly

you never loved him

he's a scumbag

Now that just isn't necessary.

Not only do you look silly,

but everyone who thought you were a strong sweet woman

Thinks the complete opposite.

And find it a little pathetic when someones status is updated daily

(if not more)

about how much they LOOOOVE their significant other.

Yes, you are cute.

Yes, we get it, you love them

and yes, I get nauseous hearing about it.

Maybe you should just tell them that?

The world doesn't need a daily reminder.

I don't mind the reminders of anniversaries

Even I do that.

But thanking your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/husband/wife

for making you a grilled cheese sandwich

which reminded you how much you love them and how perfect they are...

isn't something most people care about.

I ran across a quote the other day that really hit the nail on the head.

"Face your problems, don't Facebook them"

(or something like that)

And I really think that some people should take that advice and run with it.

Far, far away with it.

Off my Facebook news feed.

12 weeks

Well, I suppose it's time to catch up yet again.
Tomorrow I will be the mother of a 12 week old.
Time really does fly.

I am absolutely loving my new job :)
Especially after being woken up for the first time last night at 5 am!
I feel like I have to brag about this one night because there have been so many worse nights.
WAY worse.
I'm sure those nights are not behind me.

Some things about our little guy:
He was almost 12 lbs at his 2 month appt.
He is holding his cute little head up so strong!
He smiles when I make weird noises or when he sees me after waking up.
He has started to coo and has a small giggle.
He rolls from his tummy to his back...then gets mad.
He loves the tv...oops.

But he really loves to stare at his books!

And he stands with the help of mom or dad.

He is such a sweet little stinker.
And while I loved his close to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I found I almost slept worse.  I have such a big fear of SIDS that I find myself checking on him almost every hour.  Ugh.  I wish my mind didn't work in such a way.  I'm sure my fear will fade as he progresses in age.

As far as my progress goes, it's really slow.
I think I've lost 2 lbs since I last wrote.
But I feel like I'm looking better?
Sadly, I'm losing all of my beautiful pregnancy hair.
I forgot how much I shed and I miss not having to sweep up my hair/pull it out of the drain.
I had a bit of a wake up call at the gym last night.
I really need to pay attention to my nutrition.
I have always had an issue with making sure I eat enough.
This is not something I have ever done on purpose.  I seriously think my brain has a problem with telling me I'm hungry.  I'll eat breakfast and then all of a sudden it's 4 in the afternoon and I'll realize I haven't eaten anything since.
So at the gym yesterday I ran a mile, did some KB swings, snatches, and box jump burpees.
I didn't push myself any harder than normal, but found myself just moments from hitting the floor cold.
I came home really upset with myself.
Not only because I hadn't taken care of myself that day, but because it no longer effects only me.
My nutrition directly effects Hudson too.
So from here on out, I don't care if I have to set alarms 5 times a day, I need to eat.
And I need to eat A LOT.

Next week is Christmas and I'm so excited.
We literally get to see the entire family.
Both sides.
We will be missing Aunt Micah and Uncle Jarred.
Luckily, we saw them briefly in October and will again when we visit Colorado in March!
Obviously, Hudson won't remember this Christmas but he will be spoiled just the same.

Merry Christmas everyone!

#truthfulfriday

I'm dedicated this Friday to all of my truths.  I encourage you to do the same! 

#truthfulfriday

The truth is, I post way to many pictures of my little Hudson on Instagram.

The truth is, I also do not feel bad about it. He is so cute!

The truth is, I've stopped living my life to please others and have focused on my own happiness

The truth is, I wasn't the nicest person in high school and I regret that daily.

The truth is, I'm a really good friend, but I feel like it isn't recognized.

The truth is, sometimes I really miss family and wish we weren't so far away.

The truth is, my husband is the best person I know and I would go cray-cray on anyone who had something negative to say about his character.

The truth is, my post-baby belly has me feeling pretty down.

The truth is, I feel pretty skinny when I'm standing up.

The truth is, I could work a whole lot harder at staying in touch with friends.

The truth is, my best of friends, are the ones I don't have to check in with.

The truth is, I will absolutely spend a whole lot more money on keeping my son looking fly than I will on myself.

Truth!!!

1 Month Postpartum

Hudson is 4 weeks old today!!!

He has already gained an entire lb plus some!

He should, since all I do is feed him.

We have good and bad sleeping nights.

There have been a handful of nights where he sleeps 5-6 hours!

I think I have finally recovered fully.

At least from what I can tell.  My appt isn't for another two weeks.

I went into my 35 week appt at 166lbs and was at 145 during our visit to Colorado last weekend.

20 + lbs is pretty good, especially when I gained around 40, so I'm not discouraged yet.

My goal is another 15. 

I can't wait to run/lift again! 

It's so hard to sit still when the weather is still in the 50s!

Now that I'm home all the time I'll start making progress reports.

We don't own a scale so until I get the thumbs up for the gym I won't know numbers.

My Birth Story

Now that I have, for the most part, settled into my life of being a mom, I figured I would let you all know how my birthing process went!

From the beginning of my pregnancy, I always assumed I would be a little early.  My only reasoning for that was that my mom was early by one week with my sisters and me.  I did not know that I would be 3 weeks and 1 day early though!

September 25th started off pretty normal.  I had Braxton hicks throughout my third trimester so the fact that I was having very small, sporadic contractions throughout the day was nothing new.  Ethan had gone on alert that morning and was approximately 2 hours away from our home.  As the night progressed the contractions hadn't subsided and they were getting quite a bit stronger.  I called Ethan and let him know, but I still wasn't convinced it was labor.  I started timing the contractions, and  I took a bath, which usually did the trick, and started to panic slightly when the warmth of the water did not make getting through them any easier.  I finally called L&D to let them know I was experiencing contractions around a minute long and 6 minutes apart and they told me to wait until they were around 4 minutes apart.  I called Ethan again and he could tell I had been in pain.  I did not know that he had made a call slightly after that to a family down the road.

I got out of the bath, put some comfy clothes on, and curled up on the couch when the door bell rang. Our friend Erin was there and she let me know that Ethan had contacted her husband and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital so they could at least check me.  I agreed and slipped on some shoes and left.  At this point in my pregnancy I had started packing a hospital bag for Hudson, but had NOTHING for myself.

We got to the hospital around 11 pm and the nurse strapped me all up.  We let her know Ethan was far away and she asked if I'd like to be checked so we knew whether to start the process of getting him
home.  The second she checked me she said, " yea, he needs to get back here. Do you want pain medication."  I said yes and we asked her how far along I was and it was a whopping 8 cm.  I was told my husband may have a baby when he got back.

A lot of people ask me if I started to panic at this point.  I honestly didn't process any of the information that I was being told.  Nothing felt real. I made the call to Ethan, and the change over process began.  Someone had to drive out to replace Ethan before he could leave, so the process was going to take 4+ hours.

We checked into my room and the part I was most scared of was coming next.  The epidural.  Looking back on it, I feel silly.  I know some people have epidural horror stories but mine was AWESOME! My anesthesiologist was awesome and a frequent crooked tree customer :). The shot to numb the area was painful, but those 2-3 seconds of pain were well worth avoiding another 6 hours of constant contractions.  I was pretty shocked about the actual sensation of an epidural.  I could still feel my legs and move them, but no contractions!  I always thought my legs would be straight jello.

My nurses avoided checking me again until Ethan came back, because it may have broken my water. Erin and I hung out watching Fraiser, chatting, and attempting to sleep.  Ethan finally arrived around 4am. Yay!!!  The seriousness had begun.  A nurse came in and had me push to break my water...strangest (and gross) sensation ever! Poor Ethan was front row in the witnessing of that show...and everything after.

While everything had been pretty easy going up to that point, things started going south.  Hudson's heart rate was starting to struggle between contractions which worried my doctor.  I probably pushed for 20 minutes before she started naming other options.  My pelvic bones were just too small for me to push him out.  If there was one complaint about my experience, this was it.  I knew a c-section was my absolute last resort, and I wish my doctor had known as well.  I felt like she wasn't very encouraging and was, in fact, the complete opposite.  I can't say that about any of my nurses though.  They were constantly telling me I could do it.

We finally resorted to the vacuum ( not an actual vacuum, more like a suction cup).  About 10 minutes and 3-4 pushes later, Hudson made his debut at 6:24 am.  He was 6lb 9 ounces and 20.5 inches long.  He got about 30 seconds on my chest before being whisked away by nicu nurses.  Ethan followed them to the nicu floor to keep an eye on him and he pinked right up, and started breathing more fluidly.  He was able to join me again in a few short hours.




The worst part of birth was definitely everything that happens after.  The "massage" your uterus gets to release the placenta is much more like getting your insides kneaded like dough.  The stitching process is a nightmare, especially when you don't have your little one in your arms to take your mind off the pain.  Luckily, I had minimal tearing.  In the end, it really is all worth it.

I officially know just how big my heart can beat.  My emotions since this day have been all over the place, but one thing I know for sure is that I would die for this little boy.  And watching his daddy hold him at talk to him just melts my heart.