The Crib Diaries...

Now that Hudson has hit his 3 month mark.

I have finally (with slight reluctance) decided to make his transition to his crib.

Hudson has been sleeping beside me in a pack and play since he came home.

I guess I knew this transition would be difficult, but I was NOT ready for the calamity that took place last night.

While our family was visiting us over christmas, we moved a bed into his room for guests.

For the next, well, however long this takes...

I will be sleeping in his room in this bed.

Because I refuse to go backwards.

We have a pretty decent bedtime routine going of bath, massage, nurse, sleep.

Well, I went through the motions last night but the little man seemed to disagree with the last step of the program.

So, sleep didn't happen.

But as I sat there holding and comforting my sleeping little minion, I thought about all the expectations we have for them.

Just because we have a friend whose baby slept through the night at eight weeks, someones baby who never gets fussy, and someones baby who transitioned to their crib with no fight, we all seem to think our baby must do this.

As a mother, you just have to realize those babies are magical demons that like to make the rest of us feel inadequate as parents.

We have to realize that we are the ones introducing our baby to everything there is in this world.

And when you are that small, a big bed, in a big foreign room, all alone, is really scary!

So, as I was sympathizing with H, I realized that this process will be, and should be a slow one.

I will never let him cry/scream it out...I'm just not that parent.

And I'm not saying parents that do are horrible people.

I admire your strength.

I want his room to be a calming, familiar place, not a place associated with fear and abandonment.

So, today, I began my process of slower transitioning.

We woke up and were changed in his crib while playing with musical toys.

When it came time for a nap, I swaddled him and shushed/rocked him to sleep.

PS: I know we all feel silly shushing a baby, but that shiz works!  Shush right in that stinkers ear and it's like hitting a mute button.

I am now enjoying his first nap in his crib and I only had to pick him up once.

Baby steps.

So, my goal is to have a decent amount of happy play/tummy time in his crib each day.

Along with all diaper/clothing changes.

I'll shush him back to sleep 3 times at night, and if nothing works he can sleep in his swing.

My hopes are just that each night, our sleep stretch gets a bit longer.

Ill let you know how it goes!

On an exciting note...I'm almost out of the 140s and a big package of lululemon clothes came in the mail today.

Anyone that is curious about my workouts, i'm following the Love Your Body challenge by the tone it up girls.

Its not too late for you to join too!!!

To share...or not to share. There shouldn't be a question.

I decided to blog about something that continues to bother me tonight.

And this is the use of the Facebook status.

It is not it's use in general.

It is what people use their status for.

I enjoy the motivational quotes,

the mood updates,

the personal goals,

the funny stories,

the talk about the weather.

I DO NOT like that people air their dirty laundry.

So your boyfriend cheated on you?

Calling the girl an S-word

she's ugly

you never loved him

he's a scumbag

Now that just isn't necessary.

Not only do you look silly,

but everyone who thought you were a strong sweet woman

Thinks the complete opposite.

And find it a little pathetic when someones status is updated daily

(if not more)

about how much they LOOOOVE their significant other.

Yes, you are cute.

Yes, we get it, you love them

and yes, I get nauseous hearing about it.

Maybe you should just tell them that?

The world doesn't need a daily reminder.

I don't mind the reminders of anniversaries

Even I do that.

But thanking your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/husband/wife

for making you a grilled cheese sandwich

which reminded you how much you love them and how perfect they are...

isn't something most people care about.

I ran across a quote the other day that really hit the nail on the head.

"Face your problems, don't Facebook them"

(or something like that)

And I really think that some people should take that advice and run with it.

Far, far away with it.

Off my Facebook news feed.

12 weeks

Well, I suppose it's time to catch up yet again.
Tomorrow I will be the mother of a 12 week old.
Time really does fly.

I am absolutely loving my new job :)
Especially after being woken up for the first time last night at 5 am!
I feel like I have to brag about this one night because there have been so many worse nights.
WAY worse.
I'm sure those nights are not behind me.

Some things about our little guy:
He was almost 12 lbs at his 2 month appt.
He is holding his cute little head up so strong!
He smiles when I make weird noises or when he sees me after waking up.
He has started to coo and has a small giggle.
He rolls from his tummy to his back...then gets mad.
He loves the tv...oops.

But he really loves to stare at his books!

And he stands with the help of mom or dad.

He is such a sweet little stinker.
And while I loved his close to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I found I almost slept worse.  I have such a big fear of SIDS that I find myself checking on him almost every hour.  Ugh.  I wish my mind didn't work in such a way.  I'm sure my fear will fade as he progresses in age.

As far as my progress goes, it's really slow.
I think I've lost 2 lbs since I last wrote.
But I feel like I'm looking better?
Sadly, I'm losing all of my beautiful pregnancy hair.
I forgot how much I shed and I miss not having to sweep up my hair/pull it out of the drain.
I had a bit of a wake up call at the gym last night.
I really need to pay attention to my nutrition.
I have always had an issue with making sure I eat enough.
This is not something I have ever done on purpose.  I seriously think my brain has a problem with telling me I'm hungry.  I'll eat breakfast and then all of a sudden it's 4 in the afternoon and I'll realize I haven't eaten anything since.
So at the gym yesterday I ran a mile, did some KB swings, snatches, and box jump burpees.
I didn't push myself any harder than normal, but found myself just moments from hitting the floor cold.
I came home really upset with myself.
Not only because I hadn't taken care of myself that day, but because it no longer effects only me.
My nutrition directly effects Hudson too.
So from here on out, I don't care if I have to set alarms 5 times a day, I need to eat.
And I need to eat A LOT.

Next week is Christmas and I'm so excited.
We literally get to see the entire family.
Both sides.
We will be missing Aunt Micah and Uncle Jarred.
Luckily, we saw them briefly in October and will again when we visit Colorado in March!
Obviously, Hudson won't remember this Christmas but he will be spoiled just the same.

Merry Christmas everyone!

#truthfulfriday

I'm dedicated this Friday to all of my truths.  I encourage you to do the same! 

#truthfulfriday

The truth is, I post way to many pictures of my little Hudson on Instagram.

The truth is, I also do not feel bad about it. He is so cute!

The truth is, I've stopped living my life to please others and have focused on my own happiness

The truth is, I wasn't the nicest person in high school and I regret that daily.

The truth is, I'm a really good friend, but I feel like it isn't recognized.

The truth is, sometimes I really miss family and wish we weren't so far away.

The truth is, my husband is the best person I know and I would go cray-cray on anyone who had something negative to say about his character.

The truth is, my post-baby belly has me feeling pretty down.

The truth is, I feel pretty skinny when I'm standing up.

The truth is, I could work a whole lot harder at staying in touch with friends.

The truth is, my best of friends, are the ones I don't have to check in with.

The truth is, I will absolutely spend a whole lot more money on keeping my son looking fly than I will on myself.

Truth!!!

1 Month Postpartum

Hudson is 4 weeks old today!!!

He has already gained an entire lb plus some!

He should, since all I do is feed him.

We have good and bad sleeping nights.

There have been a handful of nights where he sleeps 5-6 hours!

I think I have finally recovered fully.

At least from what I can tell.  My appt isn't for another two weeks.

I went into my 35 week appt at 166lbs and was at 145 during our visit to Colorado last weekend.

20 + lbs is pretty good, especially when I gained around 40, so I'm not discouraged yet.

My goal is another 15. 

I can't wait to run/lift again! 

It's so hard to sit still when the weather is still in the 50s!

Now that I'm home all the time I'll start making progress reports.

We don't own a scale so until I get the thumbs up for the gym I won't know numbers.

My Birth Story

Now that I have, for the most part, settled into my life of being a mom, I figured I would let you all know how my birthing process went!

From the beginning of my pregnancy, I always assumed I would be a little early.  My only reasoning for that was that my mom was early by one week with my sisters and me.  I did not know that I would be 3 weeks and 1 day early though!

September 25th started off pretty normal.  I had Braxton hicks throughout my third trimester so the fact that I was having very small, sporadic contractions throughout the day was nothing new.  Ethan had gone on alert that morning and was approximately 2 hours away from our home.  As the night progressed the contractions hadn't subsided and they were getting quite a bit stronger.  I called Ethan and let him know, but I still wasn't convinced it was labor.  I started timing the contractions, and  I took a bath, which usually did the trick, and started to panic slightly when the warmth of the water did not make getting through them any easier.  I finally called L&D to let them know I was experiencing contractions around a minute long and 6 minutes apart and they told me to wait until they were around 4 minutes apart.  I called Ethan again and he could tell I had been in pain.  I did not know that he had made a call slightly after that to a family down the road.

I got out of the bath, put some comfy clothes on, and curled up on the couch when the door bell rang. Our friend Erin was there and she let me know that Ethan had contacted her husband and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital so they could at least check me.  I agreed and slipped on some shoes and left.  At this point in my pregnancy I had started packing a hospital bag for Hudson, but had NOTHING for myself.

We got to the hospital around 11 pm and the nurse strapped me all up.  We let her know Ethan was far away and she asked if I'd like to be checked so we knew whether to start the process of getting him
home.  The second she checked me she said, " yea, he needs to get back here. Do you want pain medication."  I said yes and we asked her how far along I was and it was a whopping 8 cm.  I was told my husband may have a baby when he got back.

A lot of people ask me if I started to panic at this point.  I honestly didn't process any of the information that I was being told.  Nothing felt real. I made the call to Ethan, and the change over process began.  Someone had to drive out to replace Ethan before he could leave, so the process was going to take 4+ hours.

We checked into my room and the part I was most scared of was coming next.  The epidural.  Looking back on it, I feel silly.  I know some people have epidural horror stories but mine was AWESOME! My anesthesiologist was awesome and a frequent crooked tree customer :). The shot to numb the area was painful, but those 2-3 seconds of pain were well worth avoiding another 6 hours of constant contractions.  I was pretty shocked about the actual sensation of an epidural.  I could still feel my legs and move them, but no contractions!  I always thought my legs would be straight jello.

My nurses avoided checking me again until Ethan came back, because it may have broken my water. Erin and I hung out watching Fraiser, chatting, and attempting to sleep.  Ethan finally arrived around 4am. Yay!!!  The seriousness had begun.  A nurse came in and had me push to break my water...strangest (and gross) sensation ever! Poor Ethan was front row in the witnessing of that show...and everything after.

While everything had been pretty easy going up to that point, things started going south.  Hudson's heart rate was starting to struggle between contractions which worried my doctor.  I probably pushed for 20 minutes before she started naming other options.  My pelvic bones were just too small for me to push him out.  If there was one complaint about my experience, this was it.  I knew a c-section was my absolute last resort, and I wish my doctor had known as well.  I felt like she wasn't very encouraging and was, in fact, the complete opposite.  I can't say that about any of my nurses though.  They were constantly telling me I could do it.

We finally resorted to the vacuum ( not an actual vacuum, more like a suction cup).  About 10 minutes and 3-4 pushes later, Hudson made his debut at 6:24 am.  He was 6lb 9 ounces and 20.5 inches long.  He got about 30 seconds on my chest before being whisked away by nicu nurses.  Ethan followed them to the nicu floor to keep an eye on him and he pinked right up, and started breathing more fluidly.  He was able to join me again in a few short hours.




The worst part of birth was definitely everything that happens after.  The "massage" your uterus gets to release the placenta is much more like getting your insides kneaded like dough.  The stitching process is a nightmare, especially when you don't have your little one in your arms to take your mind off the pain.  Luckily, I had minimal tearing.  In the end, it really is all worth it.

I officially know just how big my heart can beat.  My emotions since this day have been all over the place, but one thing I know for sure is that I would die for this little boy.  And watching his daddy hold him at talk to him just melts my heart.

The Constant Ticking of my 9 Month Pregnancy Brain

That's right folks...

I made it to the 9 month marker!

Which also means that if I were to give birth today, chances are this little dude would be very healthy!

YAY! I've survived the first part of parenting.

I realize that I haven't really written many blogs throughout this pregnancy.

It really hasn't been much to write about.

I have a feeling though, that I'll look back on this experience and wish I had.

Dang it.

So, I'll use this time to recap the highlights of the past 9 months.

When I was about 20 weeks, I was feeling great!

And while I was gaining more weight than I should have...

I was still fitting in most of my jeans/shorts if I used the belly band or hair tie trick.

This little dude has been sitting pretty low the entire pregnancy.

So I was all like, "I'm not going to buy any maternity clothes, what a waste"

Well, as of the past week or two...my mistake.

Maybe karma came to bite me in the ass for saying such nonsense...

but here I sit in nothing but yoga pants and inner thighs covered in stretch marks that look like I was mauled by a bear.

*facepalm*

Ethan's wardrobe has become my wardrobe and I've chosen to ignore my side of the closet to avoid the onset of tears and frustration.

However, when I do get into these types of moods, I take a look at our 3D ultrasound pictures and just smile.

He's already worth it.

This little guy is going to look just like his daddy.

And while it would have been nice to see one of my own features on that little picture, I picked a dang good looking husband for a reason!

We're going to have a freaking cute kid!

I can't wait to see whether he is blonde or brunette,

has hair or doesn't,

or

has blue or brown eyes.

Because when it comes to these sorts of things, Ethan and I were complete opposites as babies!

Lately, I have been experiencing some Braxton Hicks.

They come and go and have never turned into anything worth making a trip to the hospital for.

A long bath, or the belly bandit with it's heating pad usually does the trick.

(PS: Pregnant ladies, I HIGHLY recommend the belly bandit! I was lucky enough to have a friend lend hers to me...it's been a life saver some days.  Not to mention, it'll help bounce my belly back post partum)

Baths have become one of my most favorite parts of the day.

They really help take the weight off my back.

So here is a list of some of my favorite "Pregnant Amber" things:

Roasted Marshmellows

Warm Milk ( I don't even like milk )

Peaches

Ice Water (emphasis on the ICE)

The Belly Bandit

Tums (darn heartburn)

Yoga Pants

Toms shoes

Pillows (like 4 of them)

Sports Bras

Baths

I'm sure there are others that I cannot currently think of.

With the arrival of our little peanut being so close, 

my brain basically ticks nonstop.

Here are a few questions that constantly keep me up at night:

What will our life look like after he is born?

Will our relationship change?

Is my child going to be a terribly, fussy heathen that hates everything and everyone?

Will I lose all of my childless friends?

Will I have nothing better to talk about than spit up, teething, and diaper blowouts?

I know that the answer to most of these questions lies within my own actions.  But I cannot help but be terrified.  I don't want to be the mother that shares every detail of my little ones day on Facebook.  I don't want to feel like I cannot contribute to a conversation unless it revolves around my baby.  I can't stand being around those types of moms as it is.  I do understand that this is how women relate to each other in our current stage of life.  However, I feel like there is a time and place.  So people...if I start to turn into one of them, SLAP ME!

When I feel the need to brag about my kid, I'll blog about it.  

So you people can choose your suffering :)

I also hope that Ethan and I find a parenting system that works for us.

This doesn't worry me nearly as much as the previous situation. 

I know there will be trying times when we are both sleep deprived and frustrated.

But those are the times that I see what I love in Ethan the most.

I'm lucky to have found a calm, and compassionate husband who never raises his voice or loses his temper.  He knows to leave me be when I'm frustrated and acting like a moron, and knows that sometimes all I need is a hug, without any words.

Oh my, that was mushy.

But seriously...

He's the best and I'm so very lucky.

I'm now starting to put together a list of things to pack for the hospital.

Looking these things up freaks me out a bit.

Labor is Scary! And Gross!

Once I stop working, (next week), I'll have lots of time to update and post pictures of our hospital bag.

I have almost everything set aside for the little guy already.

They're pretty easy since the hospital supplies most of what they'll need.

There are a few things I still have to purchase for myself.

Mostly nursing friendly bras, PJs, and other misc. items.

I'm thinking of just getting a zip up/sweat pant outfit from VS for after delivery.

I need some warm socks or slippers for roaming the hallways.

I also have to type up/write down a birth plan.

(I'm not going in with any expectations necessarily.  I am requesting to avoid the administration of pitocin and the administration of an epidural before I reach 4 cm.  I am also requesting that there be a delay in the cord clamping and that baby stays on my chest for a full hour immediately after delivery.  I hate women that preach about their labor decisions, so if you have questions about why...you can ask me or look it up yourself :-D)

I obviously know that any and all of these may change if their is a health risk to the baby.

And, we need to install the car seat!

Here are a list of things that are currently freaking me out:

I'm afraid of needles.

I'm afraid of hospitals.

I'm afraid of the animalistic sounds I may make during labor (sorry Ethan)

I'm extremely behind on sleep and I'm afraid I won't catch up before it's too late.

I'm afraid that Ethan will look "down there" as I push out our little man and be scarred for life...

I'm afraid I'll never lose the extra weight.

I'm afraid that breastfeeding may not be an option for whatever reason.

I'm afraid that everything I think my labor will be like, will not, and I'll be whisked away and cut open with a giant knife and won't be able to immediately hold my peanut.

I'm afraid our dog, Reagan, will be angry with us when we return...who cares about Sheldon ;)

What I do know, is that we will figure it all out.

However long it takes, our family will be happy and more complete than before!

I just can't wait to meet this little guy.

The little guy that's been bruising my ribs with kicks and punches.

The little guy that literally takes my breath away because my lungs have no room and no where to go.

The little guy that reminds me that my bladder is a quarter full and that just isn't acceptable.

This little guy: